Hook
You don’t need to become a coach — you need to adopt a coaching habit. Seven simple questions, asked consistently, can transform you from a problem-solving manager into a leader who develops people.
What It’s About
The Coaching Habit argues that most managers default to giving advice when they should be asking questions. Michael Bungay Stanier, a professional coach, presents seven essential questions that can transform any conversation from a directive monologue into a development opportunity.
The seven questions are: “What’s on your mind?” (the kickstart question — opens the conversation), “And what else?” (the AWE question — ensures you hear the full picture), “What’s the real challenge here for you?” (the focus question — identifies the actual problem), “What do you want?” (the foundation question — clarifies the desired outcome), “How can I help?” (the lazy question — prevents you from assuming what’s needed), “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?” (the strategic question — forces prioritization), and “What was most useful for you?” (the learning question — ensures reflection).
Stanier writes with humor and practical wisdom, drawing on neuroscience, behavioral economics, and decades of coaching experience. Each question gets its own short chapter, with the science behind why it works, common mistakes in using it, and real-world dialogue examples. The book is designed to change behavior, not just provide information — each chapter includes a habit-building exercise using Charles Duhigg’s trigger-routine-reward framework.
Key Takeaways
“And what else?” is the most powerful coaching question in existence. Stanier argues that the first answer to any question is rarely the most important one — people give the easy, surface-level response first. By asking “And what else?” you unlock deeper thinking, demonstrate genuine curiosity, and prevent yourself from jumping to solutions based on incomplete information.
The “lazy question” — “How can I help?” — is counterintuitively powerful. Instead of assuming you know what someone needs (advice, action, emotional support), this question lets them tell you. It also prevents the “advice monster” — the manager’s compulsion to solve every problem, which disempowers team members and creates dependency.
The Verdict
The Coaching Habit is one of the most practical leadership books available. It takes less than two hours to read, the seven questions are immediately applicable, and the habit-building framework ensures you’ll actually use them. If you manage people and want to develop them instead of just directing them, start here.